


But we are here now

by OctoberSky



Category: Architects (UK Band)
Genre: Angst, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, One Shot, Random & Short, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 11:58:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctoberSky/pseuds/OctoberSky
Summary: Sometimes it all pours on you and you don't know what to do. And sometimes there is someone that stays beside you.





	But we are here now

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea ages ago and since it wouldn't leave me alone I wrote it. And just to make it perfectly clear they are just characters to me.

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Adam had banged the room door for a long while before he realized Ali had the other keycard there. Picking it up he finally managed to get the door open.  
  
  
It had been a heavy day with all the interviews and he really just did want to sleep. But he did not expect to see Sam like that. Ever since that one drunken night in Perth, he had been thinking they needed to talk. But after all, Sam had always been one of those who said really what they meant, so he hadn't been too worried. Now he really didn't know what to think. Because maybe Sam had taken it all more roughly and he should have suggested the talk earlier.  
  
  
The singer was sitting next to the bed, back resting against the wall. The total mood in the room seemed everything else than calm and resting. It was like Adam had stepped into a cloud of heavy sadness it veiling him. And it was pitch black. Only the streetlights painted the room in odd colors, making the shadows appear crooked. Adam dropped his coat on the floor and kicked his shoes off wondering should he be quiet or make himself heard. Sam seemed to not realize at all what was happening and Adam thought that just opening the door should have made him notice that someone came in. He approached the other but stayed there, reluctantly standing. Sam still didn't move. He just kept his head buried to his knees and arms covering his face. Silently Adam sat next to him waiting for even a tiny sign that he wasn't wanted in the room. Or really anything at all.  
  
  
"Uhm", Adam started, his voice barely audible. What was this suddenly that he couldn't even vocalize himself properly?  
  
  
Sam seemed to react to his words, slightly shifting, but didn't say a thing. Adam stared at the hairs that had again grown longer drooping messily over his arms and frowned. He had no idea how to approach such a thing, especially when Sam wasn't responding.  
  
  
"Hey, what happened? I was tried to get in for like... I don't know even how long. I didn't know you would want to be alone, but you could have said so", he said.  
  
  
"I... can't", the gasp was something Adam had never heard from Sam's mouth. It was raspy and sad, filled with emotions.  
  
  
"You mean tell?" he was lost and Sam being cryptic just made it worse.  
  
  
"No. This. I can't take the pain anymore!" Sam lifted his head and stared him straight to his eyes.  
  
  
And that Adam really saw. There in the weird, yellowish light. Just pure desperate pain. Piercing through him, sharp and hard. Sam had been crying, probably from since they arrived to the hotel. The puffy and red eyes revealed that too. Sam wiped the snot to the back of his hand and raked his hair back.  
  
  
"I am not like this. I don't... I don't fucking cry and moan and..." he groaned and slammed a fist to his knee.  
  
  
Adam felt so sorry for him. He had no idea why Sam was hurting and how he could ever help him, but he wanted to. Ever since that night he had felt obliged to make sure Sam was fine and now he thought it was his fault. Not that he had actually done anything, but the whole incident was gone differently than he thought and he regretted it.  
  
  
"I get that but..." he started but then he really didn't know what to say.  
  
  
Sam threw his head against the wall and groaned again. "I fucking hate this. I feel like an arsehole, just..."  
  
  
"So is it because of that night?" Adam mumbled instantly wanting to take the question back.  
  
  
"No. Yes", Sam said and shook his head then obviously pondering the question. "I don't know. I don't think so, but maybe it was part of it."  
  
  
"Oh..." Adam dropped his gaze. So it was his fault after all.  
  
  
Sam raised his eyebrow and shook his head again. "No, it's not you. Just too much fucking drama and my stupid fucking head can't take it."  
  
  
"Tell me?" Adam shifted and tilted his head.  
  
  
"Huh?" the other frowned, taken aback.  
  
  
"Tell me. You said it hurts. Describe it? Maybe that way we could figure out what to do."  
  
  
Sam rolled his eyes first at the idea but then he fell silent. Raking his hair again he glanced at Adam, like seeking for an affirmation that the other really meant what he said.  
  
  
"Like suffocating. Drowning. That it feels like. Like... something heavy has fallen over me and no matter how I fight I can't chase it away. Maybe makes it even harder. I get tired because of the fighting and then it feels even heavier. And it's always there. Even when I am supposed to have fun it is nagging in the back of my head. Pushing me down. The pain gets sharper the more I think about it. But I can't stop thinking about it either. It keeps me awake at night. When I close my eyes the darkness is so overwhelming. I can't breathe and then I panic. And then it bugs me throughout the day. Fuck... then the pain gets so intense that I get numb. And... here I am. And I am not like this", Sam explained.  
  
  
"That's intense", Adam mumbled. He really didn't know what to say. It hurt him that Sam was hurting, but he couldn't just take the pain away either. The only thing he could do was to figure out some kind of a solution.  
  
  
Chewing his lip Sam nodded and let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah. So, I would appreciate if you don't mention about it for the others. I will handle the gigs like I have this far too. Just can't take the fucking stupid jokes that they use to hide their uncertainty when they realize it's serious. Like I fucking even want it to be that."  
  
  
Adam nodded silently. Sure he got it, he just didn't really agree with it. "So, that day then... I think I could have handled it better."  
  
  
"Right... And what does that mean then?" Sam asked. He really couldn't handle more bullshit now and wanted the honest truth.  
  
  
"I kinda ignored you after. You know I am not a prick but I assumed you will say if you have a problem. So... I shouldn't have assumed so", the other tried to put his thoughts to words.  
  
  
"Just to make it perfectly fucking clear I do know you're not a prick. And this isn't because of you, even though I said it was part of it. I think it was, but not like... Fucking hell. One part in the mess. Not more", Sam turned slightly and rubbed his neck.  
  
  
"Good. Don't want you to think that I... something."  
  
  
"Oh like you think it was a mistake? Yeah, been there. No, I think you would have said that too."  
  
  
"Great", Adam nodded.  
  
  
"Awesome", Sam answered tiny smirk tugging his lip.  
  
  
"What now?", the other asked after a long silence. "I mean, are we going to just make it stay in the past or?"  
  
  
"I don't know. Despite the fact that I was totally smashed I won't deny I liked it", Sam mumbled and Adam was pleasantly surprised to see a faint blush on his cheeks.  
  
  
"I wouldn't... well I can't forget it either", the guitarist shrugged.  
  
  
"You know we are horrible at talking about this? Fucking bullshit... I hate these types of things", Sam shook his head a sarcastic smile spreading on his lips and rubbed his face.  
  
  
"So do I. But honestly I don't give a shit. Let's get you better first."  
  
  
"You make it sound like it's so easy", Sam sighed heavily.  
  
  
"Maybe it isn't. But you confessed so I will try to help."  
  
  
The singer snorted, "We'll see about that."  
  
  
Adam pulled him to a hug, without asking. With a grumble, Sam gave in. The smile spread on his lips but he contented to lean on Adam's chest and stay silent.  
  
  
"It's always hard before you get through it."  
  
  
"Fucking ass. When did you become so smart?"

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my random piece.


End file.
